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Message of the year:-
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why? Very simple…
A woman does not have a wife..!!!
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1.Janu
Yr 2.O G.
Yr 3.Sunte ho?
Yr 1.O bunty k pappa
Yr 1.Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 1.Tum aate ho k main aaon?
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Ek admi aadi raat ko apni moti biwi se bola
k sisak sisak ke marna theek hai ya ek dum.
BIWI : Ek dum.
Aadmi : To apni dusri tang bhi mujh per rakh do.
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Husband: Today is sunday &
I have to enjoy it.
So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why three?
Husband: 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Man: Sir, my wife is missing.
Postmaster:bhai ye post office hai,
police station me complain dijiyee.
Man:Kia karon, khushi k mare
kuch samajh nahin aa raha
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Wife is “Recievd call”
Girl is “Dialed call”
Aunty is “Missd call”
Lover is “waiting call”
BUT
Frndship is “FEVICOL”
nahi chodenge !! :D
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Tofani barish mein rat ko,
shop per 1 admi pizza lenay aaya
SHOPKEEPER: Aap married hein?
Admin:Is tofani barish mein kia
meri maa mujhey pizza lenay bhejay gi?
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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womens r like internet virus 1st they enter ur life
scan urs pockets transfer money edit ur mind download
thier problems delete ur smile and hang ur life
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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aik admi apnee biwi k hr kam me nuks nikalta tha
agar wo anda boil ker dati tu kehta k fry kerna tha
agar fry krti to kehta k boil
kerna tha
aik din biwi ne dono bana liye
pehle tu wo dono andoon ko ghour say dekhta raha
phir kehnay laga ..
“tumhay akal kaab aiy gee .. jis anday ko fry kerna tha us ko boil ker dia aur jis ko
boil kerna tha us ko fry.. ” .
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Wife came home with a goat.
Husband asked”Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?”
Wife:”Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!”
Husband:”Bakri se hi poch raha hon
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Biwi(Ghusse Main):
Tumhare Dimagh Main To
Sirf Gobar Hi Bhara Hai..!!
Husband (Pyar Se):
To Phr Itni Dyer Se Kha Q Rahi Ho….??
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Husband wife mein larai hoi,
Husband ghar se chala gaya,
Husb:Rat ko phone pay,”Khanay mein kia hai”
Wife:Zeher.
Husb:Mai dair se aonga, tum kha kar so jana:D
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Wife:Suna he k jannat me husband
k sath Wife ko nahi rehne dete
HUSBAND! sahi suna he,
Wife: aisa kion?
Husband: Arey pagli isi liye to
usey jannat kehte hain
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Wife:kal rat tum mujhey neend
mein galian kion de rahey thai?
Husband: tumhey ghalat fehmi hoi hai..
Wife: kesi ghalat fehmi?
Husband: yehi k mein neeend mein tha
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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What is the difference between wife & saali?
Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,
Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,
Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,
Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,
Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,
Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake…:p
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Here Is Some Career Advice
First, Listen To Your Heart
Then
Listen To Your Brains
Then
Do What Your Wife Tell You To Do . . . ;->
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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In art gallery couple sees
picture of a girl covered by leaf.
Husband keeps watching.
Wife: ab chalo gay ya PAT JHARR
ka intezar kertay raho gay
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Wife: acha batao car main ghomata hai, icecream khilata hai, restaurant lay jata hai, BOLO BOLO BOLO !!!
Husband: KON MAIN?
Wife: NAHI
HUMARA NAYA PAROSI
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Question: What is the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday?
Ans. Just forget it once and you will never forget it again.
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Man: i want a divorce.
My wife has not spoken me in six months..
Lawyer: Better think it over, Wives like that are hard to get!!
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Wife- Beggar Who Came Yesterday Is Very Bad
Husband- Y ?
Wife- I Gave Him Food Yesterday & Today He Gifted Me A Book How To Cook… ;->
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Gem notes for women:
1. If a man wants u, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you some day.
3. Have your Own set of friends, separate from his..get ur time with ur friends to relax and unwind
4. Make your man miss you sometimes..when he knows Ure ALWAYS there for him, he’ll take you for granted.
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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An Economist explains the reason for having 2 wives
Monopoly is Always Damaging!
And…
Competition Improves Service!
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Man : My wife is toooooo good. She can talk on any subject for hours.
Friend : Ahh!!! my wife is better, she does not even need a subject to talk about!
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Wife: “1 More Word Frm U And Im Going Back To My Mothers Place.”
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Husband : Taxi
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Wife: Mein jab gaana gaati hoon
toh aap balcony mein kyon chale jate ho?
Husband: Taki kahin muhalle wale aisa na samjhe
ki mein tumara gala daba raha hoon
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Radio Quiz:
Should women have children after 35?
Sardar Replied:
No, 35 children are more than enough!
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Why Are Wives More Dangerous Than The Mafia…??
The Mafia Wants Either Your Money Or Life . . . But
The Wives Want Both . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ;->
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Hsbnd apni wife ka jnaza lekr ja rha tha
Jnaze k agy ek kutta 0r piche aadmiyon ki Lmbi line thi
Ek aadmi akr pochta hy
“bhai ye sb kese hua
Hsbnd: Is kutte ne kaat lya tha
Aadmi: Ye kutta ek din k Lye mje dedo
Hsbnd: piche line me lag jao..
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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70 year old man asked his wife.
Do you feel sad when u see me running behind young girls?
Wife: No not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can’t drive it.
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Sunnys teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying,Sunny seems to be a very bright boy but spends too much of his time thinking about girls.
The Mother wrote back the next day, If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father.
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Aik Ghar se har waqt hasne ki awaz ati thi.
Aik Sahab us Ghar gae ta k itni khushgwar zindagi ka raz malom kar saken.
Shohar nay bataya k, “Meri Biwi larti hai to mujhay jootay say marti hai. Joota LAG jai to woh hansti hai aur NA LAGAY to
main hansta hoon!”
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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santa: “I saw my Wife going
2 a movie with a strange Man.”
Friend : “Did u follow them inside?”
“No yaar,” replied santa
“I had already SEEN the Movie !”
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying…
&
the other ensures U Continue to do so.
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?”
Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”
Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: “What were you before you married her?”
Millionaire: “A Billionaire”
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Jab se begum ne mujhe murgha bana rakha hai,
Main ne nazron ki tarhan sir bhi jhuka rakha hai,
Bartano aaj mere sir pe baraste q ho,
Main ne dho dha k tumhain kitna saja rakha hai,
Roz leti he talashi wo police ki manind,
Pochti he kahan paison ko chupa rakha hai,
Wohi dunya main muqaddar ka sikandar tehra,
Jis ne khud ko yahan shadi se bacha rakha hai,
Pi ja is maar ki talkhi ko bhi hans k shohar,
Maar khane main bhi Qudrat ne maza rakha hai..!
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Wyf : Luk A Thief Has Enterd Our Kitchen
N He Is Eating D Cake Prepard By Me
Husband: Whom Shud I Cal
Now Police Or Ambulance..
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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2 Married Men Talking-
10yrs Ago,
Whenever I Returned Home,
My Dog Used To Greet Me By Barking & My Wife By Kissing.
Now They Both Exactly Do The Opposite
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Difference between Husband & gadha.
Ans:Husband gadha ban sakta hai,
but
Gadha itna bhi gadha nahi k husband bane!!
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Sardar ki wife inspecter se!
Mera husband ek hafte pehle aalo
lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaya:-(
Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:-
to behan kuch or paka lo:-)
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Pehle woh meri girlfrnd thi,
Mein bolta tha wo sunti thi,
Phir woh meri mangetr bani,
Woh bolti thi mein sunta tha
Jab se woh meri BIWI bani,
Hum dono bolte hain
or
muhalla sutna hai
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Wife: mene apki
B-day pr itni mehngi chez li ha k ap dekhte hi khush ho jaogy.
Hsbnd: Shukar ha tumhe mera b khayal aya.
"Dikhao"
wife: Bs abi pehan k ai...
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Shohar: ye tum mujh ko bhary bazar main "A.G" kyoun kehti ho?
Biwi: ab bhary bazar main "Abhy Ghady" kahoun gi to kya acha lagay ga!
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Ek aadmi ghabraya hoa police station pr aaya aur bola...
Muje girftaar kr lijye main ne apni bivi k ser pr danda mara hai.
Inspctor: kiya wo mar gye?
Aadmi: nahi wo danda lye mere peche aa rahi hai. :-)
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Nurse: aapk judwa bachay huye hain.
Husband; yeh hona hi tha,Kamini program hi essay dekhti thi
KBC 2
indian Idol 2
Nach baliye 2
Dhoom 2
Voice of india 2
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Ji krta hy Tumhri Zulfon men Kho jaon
Ankhon Me bus Jaun
Tumhari Bahon me Jhool Jaun
Wife:
Waheed Muraad he Rahoge Ya Kabhi
Imran Hashmi B
Bano gay.
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Wife: kash tussi SMS honday,Main zindagi bhar k liye save kar lendi,
Husband: Kaash tussi ringtone honday assi har haftay badal lenday.!
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Husband:
ALLAH ne tumhein 2 aakhen di hain
chaawal se patthar nahi nikal sakti?
WIFE: ALLAH ne tumhe 32 daant diye hai
2-4 patthar nhi chaba sakte?
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Patni:Dekho,Wo Couple KISS Karte Hue Kitna Khush Dikhai De Rahe Hai.
Pati:Wo Usse DROP Karne Aaya Hai,RECEIVE Karne Nahi..
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Ek rat husband ny wife se pani manga or so gaya
Bivi sari raat khari rahi subha hoi
Husband: tum sari raat yaha khari rahi bolo kya chahye
Wife: Gussy se Talaq ;-)
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Husband to a newly wed wife!
I could go to the end of the world for you
Wife:Thanks,but promise me
you will stay there for the rest of your life.
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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A Wife hit her Husband with a Frying Pan.
Husband:What was THAT for?
Wife:I found a paper in your pocket, with the name Jenny on it.
Husband:I played RACE last week and Jenny was the name of my HORSE.
Wife:Sorry!
Next day the Wife hit him with the Frying Pan AGAIN!
Husband:Why?
Wife:Your Horse MADE A FONE CALL LAST NIGHT!
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Wife: ?Agar main mar gayi to tumhara kya ho ga??
Husband: ?Agar tum na mari to mera ho kya ho ga??
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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A man calls his wife through an !dea mobile.
But the cal goes to another woman.
They
loved & got married.
Moral:an !dea can change ur wife!!
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Man 2 pretty girl in Bazar:
I lost my wife here, can U talk to me for a while?
Girl:Why?
Man:Coz whenever I talk to any Girl, my Wife appears out of nowhere!;-)
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smshive.com Islamabad English
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Wife: If I die what will u do?
Husband: Main paagal ho jaun ga!
Wife: Will u marry again after I die?
Husband: Pagal kuch bhi kar sakta hai
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smshive.com Islamabad Desi
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Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me
Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw
your dad paying the bill !!!
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abdullah tariq gujranwala,pakistan 03434155868 English
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Girl: What do you like in me?
Boy: Those who white big balls having white dots in it.
Girl: What???
Boy: Yes i like your eyes. Its really beautiful..
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sssh...! bangalore +918892604953 English
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Wife:Suna he k jannat me husband
k sath Wife ko nahi rehne dete
HUSBAND! sahi suna he,
Wife: aisa kion?
Husband: Arey pagli isi liye to
usey jannat kehte hain
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rana pakistan +923006536485 Desi
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Certo dia um cara chamado José inventou de casar. Sua esposa engravidou, e 9 meses depois, quando ela foi fazer o parto, era gravidez psicológica, só ‘vento’. Aí colocaram o nome a José de ‘Zé do Vento’. Onde ele passava os caras gritavam: Zé do Vento, Zé do Vento. Ele se enraivou e começou matar gente. Quem o chamava de Zé do Vento ele matava. Certo dia o padre lhe chamou e disse: Faça isso não, você está pecando diante de Deus, só porque lhe chamam de Zé do Vento. Zé do Vento falou: Tudo bem padre, não farei isso mais. Quando saiu da igreja, o padre ouviu uns tiros, quando olhou, era Zé do Vento. O padre disse: Mas Zé, você acabou de prometer diante de Deus, e ainda continua? Zé do vento falou: Padre, Zé do Vento até que vai, mas pedir meu pinto para encher pneu de bicicleta eu não aceito não.
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smshive.com Islamabad Portuguese
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Uma dessas manhãs, o marido acorda e vira-se para a mulher, dá um beliscão na bunda dela e diz: -Se você fizesse exercício para firmar essa bundinha, poderíamos nos livrar dessas calcinhas. A mulher se controlou e achou que o silêncio seria a melhor resposta. No outro dia o marido acorda, da um beliscão nos seios da mulher e diz: -Se você conseguisse firmar essas tetinhas poderíamos nos livrar desse sutiã. Aquilo foi o limite, e o silêncio definitivamente não seria uma resposta. Então ela se virou, agarrou no pênis do marido e disse: -Se você conseguisse firmar esse pauzinho, poderíamos nos livrar do carteiro, do jardineiro, do personal trainner, do meu chefe e até do seu irmão.
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smshive.com Islamabad Portuguese
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Um casal esta na cama, prestes a dormir. O marido começa a acariciar a mulher. Ela volta para ele e diz: - Sinto muito, querido, mas amanhã eu tenho uma consulta no ginecologista e quero estar limpinha. O marido, rejeitado, vira para o lado. Alguns minutos depois ele vira de novo e volta a acariciar a mulher, dizendo: - Você tem consulta no dentista também?
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smshive.com Islamabad Portuguese
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Um casal discute dentro do carro durante a viajem..depois de uns minutos eles passam por uma fazenda, onde há mulas e cavalos. Então o esposo diz: - Seus parentes? a esposa responde: - Sim, sogra e cunhados...
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smshive.com Islamabad Portuguese
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MULHER: Se eu morresse você casava outra vez? MARIDO: Claro que não! MULHER: Não?! Não por que?! Não gosta de estar casado? MARIDO: Claro que gosto!!! MULHER: Então por que é que não casava de novo? MARIDO: Esta bem, casava... MULHER (com um olhar magoado): Casava? MARIDO: Casava. Só porque foi bom com você.. MULHER: E dormiria com ela na nossa cama? MARIDO: Onde é que você queria que nós dormíssemos? MULHER: E substituiria as minhas fotografias por fotografias dela? MARIDO: é natural que sim... MULHER: E ela ia usar o meu carro? MARIDO: Não. Ela não dirige... MULHER: !!!! (silêncio) MARIDO: Fudeu!
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smshive.com Islamabad Portuguese
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Já que não tem nada que preste na televisão, que tal se a gente saísse e fosse se divertir um pouco? - sugere a mulher. - ótima idéia - concorda o marido. - O primeiro que voltar deixa a chave embaixo do capacho!
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smshive.com Islamabad Portuguese
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Um casal passeava de bote no meio de um lago, quando, subitamente, desabou uma tempestade. O homem, apavorado, começou a implorar: - Oh, Deus meu, salva nossas vidas que eu te prometo deixar de fumar, te prometo deixar de beber, te prometo nunca mais jogar, te... A moça, todo aflita, o interrompe com um grito desesperado: - Não prometas tudo, João. Rema! Rema!
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smshive.com Islamabad Portuguese
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No escritório do advogado, a viúva ouvia a leitura do testamento de seu finado marido: - Sinto muito, mas o senhor Euclides deixou tudo o que tinha para a Casa de Caridade da Viúva Pobre. - Mas, e eu? - choramingou a mulher. - Bem, a senhora era justamente tudo o que ele tinha.
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